


Boybands Do NOT Have Babies

by carnivalinsidemyhead



Category: Take That
Genre: 90s fic, A little bit of angst, Crack Fic, M/M, Mark looking surprised a ridiculous amount really, Mpreg, a lot of fluff, boyband conspiracy theories, implied sexual references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 08:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20005303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivalinsidemyhead/pseuds/carnivalinsidemyhead
Summary: There is a very good reason why Mark is not permitted to top.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A while back on tumblr, there was a rather silly conversation about Harry Styles being the secret love child of Howard and Mark and it eventually inspired me to write this. which, sorry to disappoint, does not in fact have anything to do with Harry Styles.

“Oh no…” Jason looked grim and shook his head as he looked down at Howard’s belly when he emerged from the toilet, shaky and nauseated. It was getting noticeably bigger. “Howard, you didn’t…?”

“I’m alright,” Howard groaned as he crawled back into bed. “Probably just had a dodgy curry last night or summat.”

Jason pointed to Howard’s very definitely growing belly. “I don’t think you can blame that on a dodgy curry…”

“You didn’t let him top, did you?”

Howard looked uncomfortable.

“I thought we all had an agreement about that?”

“We had a few too many and started snogging and it just sort of...happened…” he trailed off awkwardly.

“I didn’t think just once could do any harm…”

“Neither did Rob. Remember? And look what happened to him?”

Howard’s eyes widened in panic as reality began to set in fully. Robbie had spent several weeks of the previous year in increasingly enormous sweaters and overalls and hiding behind the others in photo shoots before being discreetly bundled off to a clinic for “exhaustion.”

“Fuck.” He whispered miserably.

“Honestly I’m surprised Nigel doesn’t make him get a vasectomy..”

Howard shrugged helplessly. “Least the kid probably ended up with a nice family?”

Jason sighed. “Well come on, we’ve gotta get dressed. We’re meant to be at that breakfast meeting in ten minutes.”

Howard groaned. “No breakfast…”  
*****  
When they entered the hotel dining room a few minutes later and approached the band table, Gary was the only one there and was focused on his notebook, absentmindedly chewing on his pen and taking occasional sips of tea as he worked out some lyrics. He glanced up briefly and nodded at Jay and How when they joined him, but he was too preoccupied to notice anything was amiss with Howard.

That was not the case when Robbie and Mark came in a few moments later.

“Oh no…” Mark’s eyes grew wide with apprehension as he got closer to Howard.

Robbie turned to him accusingly. “Fucking hell, Markie, you promised not to top anymore!”

“It was just the one time!”

“Yeah and it was just the one time with me and all as well. God, Nige is gonna shit when he finds out...”

Gary looked up at that. “Why’s Nige gonna...oh god no...not again…”

Mark looked sheepish. Howard looked miserable as he fought back morning sickness from the smell of everyone’s breakfast.

Unsurprisingly, Nigel did not take Howard’s condition well.

“Did you or did you not sign a contract promising never to top again??” He screamed at Mark.

“I’m sorry! I..” 

“Answer the question, Boy!”

“Y-Yes I did..”

“Twice! In less than two years! Once was bad enough but twice?? Good god!”

He sighed heavily. “Right, you leave me no choice. You’re out of the group.”

“WHAT???”

Mark, Howard, Robbie, Gary, and Jason all looked at Nigel in alarm.

“If you can’t follow the rules, then you don’t get to stay. I can easily find someone to replace you. Cute boys are a dime a dozen. And you don’t really contribute anything besides being cute now do you?”

“Hey! Don’t talk about the father of my child like that!”

They looked at Howard in surprise. He looked rather surprised himself.

Nigel narrowed his eyes at Howard. “I’ll deal with you later.”

“I don’t mean to contradict you, Nige,” Jason spoke up cautiously.

“But do you think it’s wise, sacking our most popular member? I mean, we don’t want the fans to start supporting Boyzone in protest, do we?”

Nigel huffed impatiently.

“Fine,” he said, turning to Mark. “You can stay. But don’t think you’re off the hook!”

He looked at Jason and Gary warningly. “I better not find either of you up the duff next month!”


	2. Chapter 2

“Did it hurt a lot?” Howard asked Robbie while they took a break from dance rehearsal where they’d just spent an hour practicing routines that would need to be completely re choreographed. No more back flips for Howard for a while.

“When you had the baby, I mean, did...how did you even get it out actually?”

“I’m still trying to figure out where it managed to gestate without a uterus,” Jason said, shaking his head in puzzlement.

“Yeah..I try not to think about that one too much,” Robbie replied to Jason. He turned to Howard.

“Not really. Well...it did at first, but then they gave me something to knock me out and cut out the baby and I didn’t feel a thing. Woke up a few hours later with a flat tum and a bitch of a scar.”

Howard was quiet for a few moments while he mulled this over and then he spoke again.

“Were it hard? Giving up the baby?”

Robbie shook his head. “Never even saw it. Don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“You never even got to hold..”

“I didn’t want to, alright! Frankly I just want to forget the whole thing ever happened,” Robbie answered testily.

“Alright...sorry.” Understandably, Robbie was rather touchy about the subject.

“I’d want to hold it,” Howard thought to himself, looking down at his belly and touching it gently.  
****  
About a week later, Mark knocked cautiously on his hotel room door.

“I...I just wanted to say I’m sorry for..um..” he gestured awkwardly at Howard’s belly.

Howard smiled at him and ushered him inside. 

“Don’t be. I’m not.”

Mark looked surprised at that. “You’re not? Robbie was furious when it was him and I just thought you…”

Howard shook his head. “I’m not Rob. And I always wanted to be a daddy.” He frowned slightly. “Though I never expected it to happen like this…”

“Me too,” Mark said. “I always wanted to be a daddy too.”

“Well then…” Howard smiled at Mark again who hesitantly smiled back.

Howard patted the spot next to him on the bed as an invitation to Mark to sit next to him.

“Starting to kick a bit,” He said. “Want to feel?”

Mark looked at him excitedly and reached his hand out cautiously. “Really?? Robbie never..”

“Yeah, go on, It’s all right. Might take a little bit before anything happens though.”

Mark nodded and placed his hand on Howard’s abdomen. They sat in companionable silence for a while, then…

“It kicked!” Mark was elated. “I felt it kick!”

Howard beamed at him. “Kinda amazing innit?”

Mark nodded. 

“I don’t wanna give it up, Mark” Howard spoke quietly.

“I want us to keep this baby. I don’t want them to take it from us.”

Mark chewed his lip worriedly. “Nige’ll never let us do that.”

Howard looked glum. “Yeah I know. But I still want to. ‘s not right is it? Just taking it away and not even asking us if it’s okay. Not even letting us see it or say goodbye or anything…”

He placed Mark’s hand on his belly again and looked at him seriously.

“This is OUR baby. Not Nigel’s. OURS. And he doesn’t have the right to take it from us.”

Mark nodded slowly.

“Can I ask you something?” 

Mark nodded again.

“Do ya think Robbie might have been less angry about the whole thing if Nige hadn’t taken control?”

Mark considered this.

“Yeah...probably. I don’t think he minds not keeping the baby cos I doubt he’s ready to be a daddy but... I think he probably would have liked having more...um...agency over the whole thing, yeah…”

He hesitated a moment and spoke again.

“I’m not entirely sure I’m ready to be a daddy myself, if I’m honest. I.. I know I definitely wasn’t with Rob...god can you imagine the two of us trying to raise a kid together?” He gave a self deprecating laugh and Howard smiled at him.

Mark smiled back at him and continued. “But, I...I think I want to try with you. It feels different this time. More right, ya know? Like..maybe it was meant to be?”

Howard nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Feels like that to me, too.”

Mark squeezed his hand and leaned in to kiss him gently on the lips. 

“I love you How. And we’re going to do whatever it takes to be a family.”


	3. Chapter 3

“It’s not that we don’t support you,” Jason began after Mark and Howard shared their decision with the others (minus Nigel), “but have you thought about how you’re going to manage to care for an infant while you’re touring?”

“We can hire a nanny to come along with us and look after it while we’re working. And our mums will probably be willing to look after their grandchild as well” answered Mark.

“What about when we’re not on tour?” Gary asked. “Where’s the baby going to live then? Or rather, who is it going to live with? Are you going to move in together or?”

“We haven’t figured that one out yet,” Howard admitted.

“I still don’t think Nigel will let you do this though,” said Jason.

“Well then we just won’t be in Take That anymore,” Howard said, jutting his chin out stubbornly.

“We talked it over, me and Markie, and we don’t want to hurt anyone or cause any damage to the group but if it comes down to it, we’re not sacrificing our kid for a boyband.”

“Why not?” Robbie asked in a bitter tone. “I did. Nobody even thought to ask if I would either. You all just assumed. And what thanks did I get for it, huh? WHAT FUCKING THANKS DID I GET??”

He shot a look of rage at Mark and Howard. “Have fun playing Happy Families. I’m out of here.”

He stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

****  
“Rob!! Rob, wait!” Mark called out as he ran after him.

“What?” Robbie turned around and looked at him flatly.

“I’m sorry. I should have...I’ve been an idiot..can we talk? Please?”

Robbie shrugged noncommittally. “S’pose so. You’ve got five minutes.”

They retreated into Robbie’s room to talk privately. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark repeated. “I just assumed that you were okay with how things went because it was easier that way. I was selfish and an idiot and I didn’t think.”

Robbie nodded. “Yeah. You were.”

“But you did shut me out when it was going on,” he continued, “so it wasn’t exactly easy for me to get in your head and understand. Although I could have tried harder, I realize.”

Robbie sighed. “It just seemed... easier to isolate meself, ya know? I knew you’d be all excited about the baby and want to talk about it and have a million questions and I didn’t want to think about any of it. Because I knew that I wasn’t gonna be allowed to keep it. I don’t even know if I wanted to keep it, really. Probably not. But anyway, I just figured I’d not think about it so I wouldn’t get attached. And I knew I’d get attached if you were there with me.”

He took a deep breath. “I know it’s not fair to be angry at you for not being there for me when I was the one that chose to isolate from you or to be angry at you for getting me pregnant in the first place because who the fuck knew that could even happen but I can’t seem to help it.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Absolutely not, out of the question.”

“But..”

“But nothing. You’re not keeping it. Boy Bands do NOT have babies.” Nigel was adamant about that.

“Not unless we send Mark out to knock em up,” Gary commented, laughing awkwardly.

“I wonder if that’s true though?” Jason mused. “Is it just us who has this going on or are all the groups dealing with it secretly as well?”

“What? You mean like did Stephen Gately put a bun in Ronan Keating’s oven?” laughed Robbie.

“Well yeah, exactly. Is there something about being in a boy band that does this? Some sort of weird chemical wiring we all have without knowing it? And why is Mark the only one who can get us pregnant? Is it something to do with being the little one?” 

He turned aside to Mark adding “purely referring to your stature there and not other parts of your anatomy of course.”

“Population control? You’d have like a hundred kids if you got pregnant whenever you bottomed, ya little slag,” Howard joked to Mark.

“Hey! I am not a sl..oh who am I kidding?”

Nigel cleared his throat loudly. “Can we please get back in focus here?”

A round of sheepish “Sorry Niges” was muttered, Nigel nodding grimly in response.

“Right. Well as I said, you’re not keeping the baby, it simply won’t work. I’ve made arrange…”

“We quit.” Howard and Mark interrupted him in unison.

Nigel started visibly. “I beg your pardon? You can’t quit.”

“We made an agreement, me and Markie, to quit if you tried to take the baby from us.”

A sour expression began to fill Nigel’s face. “That’s rather selfish of you isn’t it? Letting the fans down like that. Letting your bandmates down. And here I thought you were all such good friends…”

Mark began to look uncomfortable but he held his ground. “You can replace us. After all, you’re always telling us that you can.”

“Not like we’re Gaz, right?” Howard added for good measure.

****  
As it turned out, Nigel really couldn’t replace them. Not that he didn’t try. He auditioned dozens of promising young men. But, well..

“He can’t harmonize for shit, Nige.” “He’s got no sense of humor.” “His breath is terrible, I can’t share a mic with that stench.” “He’s an even worse dancer than you, Gaz.”

“Fine! You’re just going to have to carry on as a three, then!”

“So that’s one singer who can’t dance and one dancer who can’t sing and me, then. Good job I’m such an amazing all round entertainer innit?” 

Gary and Jason both rolled their eyes at Robbie who grinned impishly and gave a comically exaggerated shrug of his shoulders. “Can’t help it if I’m a natural star, lads.”

*****  
Meanwhile…

“I don’t know why we’re painting the nursery pink when we don’t even know if it’s a girl or boy.”  
“Cos it’s a nice color. Bloody love pink, I do,” Howard answered Mark. 

“You do? I didn’t know that,” Mark looked at him in surprise.

“Yeah, it’s probably my favorite color. Love pink, love flowers, love wearing dresses. I’m not supposed to like it cos I’m a man but well, if I can have a baby then I can bloody well paint my kid’s nursery pink if I want cos it means sod all to what bits it’s got, I reckon.”

Mark mulled this over for a few moments.

“You’re right. It doesn’t really make sense not to like pretty colors and pretty things just because you’re male does it?”

There was a pause. And then he grinned at Howard and asked in a half curious, half aroused tone, “so would you wear a pretty pink dress with sexy lingerie underneath for me?”

Howard looked down at his belly. “Might have to hold off a bit on me looking sexy, mate..”

Mark looked him up and down and gave him a smile that was nothing short of filthy.

“Oh I wouldn’t be too sure about that…”

Howard smiled back. “Kinky little bastard,” he murmured fondly.


	5. Chapter 5

“This is hopeless.” Jason grabbed his hair in frustration over trying to choreograph a decent routine with the most reluctant dancers of the group. “I need Howard to make this not be shit. And I need Mark to sell it.”

“This is hopeless,” Gary grumbled as he threw out song attempt after song attempt that either needed Howard’s harmonies or the low notes that only Mark could manage to hit.

“God I’m so fucking bored without Mark and Dougie,” moaned Robbie.

“We need to get them back.”

*****

“Absolutely not,” said Nigel who was beginning to sound like a broken record. “They made their decision. We’re not going to beg them to come back. You’ve got too much pride for that, I should think.”

“I bloody haven’t!” Robbie declared.

“Yes, well, I still haven’t changed my mind about the baby either, so I doubt all the begging in the world will work.”

Gary and Jason exchanged glances and Jason gave Gary a gentle nudge. 

“Thing is, Nige,” Gary began hesitantly, “we were talking and well, we don’t see why it would be so bad having a baby with us..I mean it’d have a nanny and grans to look after it so How and Mark could still work and we could pitch in too and sort of be like uncles and we could maybe all be a sort of family? And I don’t know...maybe we should have done that last year with Rob?”

“Nah,” Robbie interjected. “I’m not ready to be a dad. I wouldn’t mind being an uncle, I don’t think,though. But I do wonder sometimes what happened to my kid, I gotta say. Do you know Nige?”

“He was adopted by a very nice couple in Wolverhampton.”

“I’ve got a son,” Robbie smiled to himself.

“I don’t think we would have to worry about losing fans over this either,” Jason added. “For one thing, they’ll be thrilled to have Mark and Howard back cos they haven’t half been bloody miserable over their leaving, haven’t they? For another, this kid is bound to be cute as a button and the fans are going to dote over it, I bet.” He paused to consider for a moment and then added “we probably should keep it out of the public eye most of the time, but I guess putting baby pics in the magazine every once in a while might be okay?”

“Mmmph,” Nigel made a noncommittal grumble. It was true that losing two members at once had been a clusterfuck and seriously alienated a number of fans. He wasn’t sure if they could continue sustaining the group in its current state if he was honest. But he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. Yet.

****  
“It’s time!” Howard gasped out as he clutched the edge of the kitchen sink.

“Time for wha...oh!” Mark guided Howard to the couch to sit down. 

“I’ll call the clinic and tell them we’re on our way.”

Just then the phone rang. 

“Hey Markie, how’s it going?”

“Robbie get off the line, it’s time!” He hung up on him without further preamble.

***  
“He just said ‘it’s time’ and hung up on me,” Robbie relayed to Gary and Jason, staring at the phone blankly.

The penny dropped a moment later.

“The baby’s coming! Come on, we gotta get to the clinic.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Mark! How is he? Is he okay? Can we see him?” They all spoke at once as they rushed into the waiting room.

“I don’t know, they took him straight into surgery as soon as we got here and I can’t see him until they’re done. They say it might take hours. Surprised you guys came actually.”

“Course we came!” Robbie declared stoutly. “And we brought a present too,” he added, handing Mark a small stuffed rabbit. 

“That’s for the baby, mate,” Jason laughed, watching Mark cuddle it close, his eyes lighting up.

“Err...right. I knew that.”

“We’ll keep you company while you’re waiting, Marko,” Gary told him as he sat down beside him.

“Thanks Gaz. How’s it been going with you guys?”

“Err...funny you should ask…” They began to relay their difficulties carrying on as a three piece and their conversation with Nigel.

“I think we were starting to get through to him,” Jason mused. 

“Yeah, he’s probably going to call you in a few days saying you should come back with the kid and claiming it was all his idea.” Robbie rolled his eyes.

Mark remained quiet as he took this all in. 

“So, what do you think, Marko? You want to give us another shot?”

He thought about it for a bit. He really did miss being in the band. And he knew that Howard did too. 

“I’ll have to talk to How first.” They nodded. “But if he’s game, then so am I.” 

They all heaved a sigh of relief. 

He regarded them all curiously. “You really are okay with this? It’s not going to be all that easy, you know, dealing with a little baby. You really want to help us?”

“Yeah, we do.” They circled protectively around Mark. “Because we’re a family.”

“Mr. Owen?” A nurse’s voice cut into the circle.

“Yes?? Is Howard all right? Can we see him now?? Is the baby..is it okay??” Mark found himself asking a hundred questions at once.

She smiled at him. “Mr. Donald is recovering just fine, sir, but I’m afraid he’s still heavily sedated and not ready for visitors just yet.”

She added with a twinkle in her eye as Mark’s face fell, “Would you like to come to the nursery to see your daughter, though?”

“My...my...I have a little girl??” Mark felt like he was going to cry with joy. 

***  
“She’s just beautiful, Markie” Jason beamed as they placed her gently in Mark’s arms and he gazed at her in awe and counted her fingers and toes and marveled how tiny they were. 

“She’s got How’s curls, looks like” Mark smiled at that.

“So..you and How..” Robbie began uncertainly. “You two are...it’s not just sex, is it?”

Mark shook his head. “No it’s not just sex. It’s...um...I don’t know actually….I think it might be love? Yeah. I think it is.” He began to sound more confident. “Yeah. It’s love. What can I say, Rob? I think I’ve gone and fallen in love.” He noticed that Robbie had gone quiet.

“Are you okay, Rob?”

Robbie gave him a lopsided grin that didn’t completely reach his eyes and said “I just want you to be happy, mate. How’s a lucky guy. I hope he knows that.”

“I think I’m the lucky one actually,” Mark answered, giving Jason’s hand a small squeeze as he heard him let out a small sigh. 

“You’ll take good care of him, right?” Jason asked. 

Mark nodded. “Of course I will.”

****  
They all walked in to Howard’s room together a couple of hours later. 

“You’ve got a beautiful little daughter, How” Jason grinned as he placed her in Howard’s arms.

Howard looked down at the baby in groggy wonder and smiled as she gripped his finger and then looked up groggily again at all his bandmates.

“What are you all doing here?”

Mark sat down next to him on the bed. “They’re here because they’re family.”

He beckoned them all over to the bed. “All of us. All six of us. We’re a family.”

Howard nodded sleepily and smiled contentedly.

“We’re a family,” he repeated happily. The baby made a gurgling noise. 

They all laughed. “She agrees with that, looks like,” Gary remarked.

Howard nodded and smiled again. “Clever girl.”


End file.
